The importance of silver, china, crystal and linen

Dear Gracious Readers,

A young homemaker-to-be from the heartland writes "What is the point of asking for linens, China and Silver when getting married? Whoever uses that stuff these days?"

As a connesuier of Casual Suburban Living, I am often asked questions like this, and they account for at least three of my frown lines. I just don't understand people who think that being "casual" means having a loutish, banal home. I blame the television.

China, crystal and silver are special things, meant for special occassions. It's nice to have people over, and to show them that you value their company by bringing out your special things for you to enjoy together. It doesn't have to be pricey either: sets of china and sterling silver can be found economically at second hand and antique stores. (but, if you are getting married, there's no reason you shouldn't ask for the new stuff, particularly if you have affluent elderly relatives. They love to buy things like that. It helps assure them that we're not all a bunch of thuggish bores)

And don't forget the benefits of the good, old-fashioned hope chest either: Mother Vel-DuRay, in the years before she was married, bought her sterling piece by piece. She afforded the silver by skimping on lunch, which helped keep her skinny, which helped find her a husband.

I'm sure there are those of you out there who are muttering "He doesn't have children! He has no idea of what it's like!" Well darlings, I do know what it's like. Mother Vel-DuRay had a set of sterling, a set of crystal and some nice china. We got them out for special occassions, along with our good manners, and we put them away when we were done (and this was in a house with no dishwasher!). Because of those formative experiences during my tender years, I am able to assure you that children can indeed participate in, and benefit from, a well-set table from time to time. Just think where any of us would be right now if the Vel-DuRay's had just eaten off of paper plates every Thanksgiving? You certainly wouldn't be sitting here reading about the crystal, would you?

A word of warning however: Just as you should never cry over spilt milk, you shouldn't get too worked up if a little one breaks a plate or a glass (but do count the silver. They might be pocketing it to use as shovels). Your china and crystal are for using, not for looking at, and everything can be replaced.

So that's why you should bother. Because life's too short not to have some special occassions, and what's a special occassion without some pretty things? And you don't want your children to grow up to be uncivilized bores now, do you? DO YOU?

Now, onto linens.

I have something that might suprise you: I'm not big into tablecloths. They stain easily, and need to be specially laundered. They also need ironing, which is a drag. So I don't normally use a tablecloth, having opted instead for a quality dining room table and some festive placemats.

But napkins - that's another story. I wouldn't DREAM of not having napkins.

Napkins are like the final touch on a place setting, whether you are using your prettiest china and silver, or your everyday patterns. They're more ecologially sensitive than loutish paper towels or napkins as well, as an average linen napkin can last for years.

And they needn't be expensive either: Being a thrifty homemaker, I buy most of our napkins at thrift stores. A good washing, a touch of the iron, and Voila! They have a new lease on life in your gracious home.

The mistake that many people make is to buy too few napkins: If anything, you should figure out how many you think you'd need, and then times that by four. That way, you aren't caught with all of your napkins in the laundy hamper when folks stop by. Remember too, that napkins have many other uses as well: Wine bottle wraps, bread baskets, hand guards when carrying hot dishes to the table (please don't tell me you bring you pot holders to the table. I'm already stressed out by the future heartland homemakes) - the list goes on and on.

Don't be afraid to mix and match either - unless you are doing the most formal of dinners (which are better left to private dining rooms in hotels and restaurants anyway, as you'd need help in the kitchen, and that's advanced homemaking) there's no need to be uniform. Different colored napkins lend a gay, casual touch to your well-set table.

So, to answer your question dear homemaker-to-be (and you other hangers on), go for it: Ask those relatives for the china, glass, silver and linen you need for a well-appointed home. Or buy it yourself. Just don't be afraid to use it.