Oh, for Christ's Sake......(Literally?)

Those bible thumping religious freaks are now calling for a boycott of Kraft foods because of their commercial support of the Gay Games. (What do these people do with themselves all day so that they have time to plan things like this?)

"Oh dear" I can literally hear you saying, as you wring your hands and stare anxiously off into space "A Boycott. What can we possibly do?"

Well, here's what you can do. Whatever your "sexual preference" is, if you think this boycott is dumb, throw a neighborhood Kraft Party!!! It's Cheap, Cheerful, and perfect for those summer evenings!

Here's what you do:

* Get out your punch bowl. Fill it with your favorite lettuce blend. Offer a selection of fine Kraft Dressings (Italian, French and Ranch are always crowd pleasers)

* Break out your Westinghouse Roaster, and mix up a mess of Kraft Macaroni 'n Cheese

* Need some meat? How about a deli tray of delicious Oscar Meyer Products? you can wrap melon slices in bologna, spritz some spray-on cheese on slices of salami - the possibilities are ENDLESS!!!

* Want a little "pick-me-up"? How about some Jello Shots?

* For Desert, get out your preetiest platter or tidbit tray, and fill it with a selection of Nabisco Cookies (Nabisco is owned by Kraft)

* Make sure that you have a party perk full of piping hot Maxwell House Coffee and some Crystal Light for the little ones! And for those smokers, how 'bout a nice selection of Philip Morris products?

I realize that after eating a meal comprised entirely of Kraft products might cause some regret a few hours later, that's just temporary discomfort. Think of the psychic pain you can cause the religious freaks!!!

The Gay Games, by the way, are to be held in Chicago in the Summer of 2006.