Grammar Lesson
A "regular reader" sent me this (imagine how thrilled I am that someone regular reads this!). It is from a craigslist M4M (men for men) posting. I think it's both hillarious and informative, if just a tad off-color. Gird your loins, if you are of the prudish variety, or just go fold your tablecloths while the rest of us have a chuckle.
~~~~
OK, kids, enough is enough! After reading one too many postings for "discrete" encounters, with phrases like "if your interested", it is clearly long past time to learn the difference in meaning and usage of the following common homonyms (words which are prounouced the same but have different spellings and meanings).
ITS (possessive, NO apostrophe): The dog licked its ass because it could.
IT'S (a contraction of "it is" and NEVER possessive): Look, it's a dog licking its ass.
DISCRETE (separate, distinct): Speech sounds are produced as a continuous sound signal rather than discrete units.
DISCREET (careful, circumspect): You need to be discreet if you're going to have sex in public places.
YOUR (possessive pronoun): Please contact me if your cock is huge.
YOU'RE (contraction of "you are"): Please contact me if you're interested in hooking up.
(I won't even go into YORE...)
THERE (place): Been there, done that.
THEIR (possessive pronoun): Some tricks bring their own toys and lube.
THEY'RE (contraction of "they are"): They're looking for love in all the wrong places.
THERE'S (contraction of "there is"): There's nothing much happening online today.
THEIRS (possessived pronoun, NO apostrophe): Starting rumors is a favorite game of theirs.
WERE (verb): There were no curtains on the shower stalls at the gym.
WE'RE (contraction of "we are"): We're happy there were no curtains on the shower stalls at the gym.
I won't even get into the matter of punctuation except to say that plurals do NOT require an apostrophe unless they are possessives, in which case the apostrophe goes AFTER the "s" (not BEFORE):
My buddy has a large collection of adult DVDs.
The Republicans' stupidity remains America's worst nightmare.
In the immortal words of you-know-who: GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!
~~~~
OK, kids, enough is enough! After reading one too many postings for "discrete" encounters, with phrases like "if your interested", it is clearly long past time to learn the difference in meaning and usage of the following common homonyms (words which are prounouced the same but have different spellings and meanings).
ITS (possessive, NO apostrophe): The dog licked its ass because it could.
IT'S (a contraction of "it is" and NEVER possessive): Look, it's a dog licking its ass.
DISCRETE (separate, distinct): Speech sounds are produced as a continuous sound signal rather than discrete units.
DISCREET (careful, circumspect): You need to be discreet if you're going to have sex in public places.
YOUR (possessive pronoun): Please contact me if your cock is huge.
YOU'RE (contraction of "you are"): Please contact me if you're interested in hooking up.
(I won't even go into YORE...)
THERE (place): Been there, done that.
THEIR (possessive pronoun): Some tricks bring their own toys and lube.
THEY'RE (contraction of "they are"): They're looking for love in all the wrong places.
THERE'S (contraction of "there is"): There's nothing much happening online today.
THEIRS (possessived pronoun, NO apostrophe): Starting rumors is a favorite game of theirs.
WERE (verb): There were no curtains on the shower stalls at the gym.
WE'RE (contraction of "we are"): We're happy there were no curtains on the shower stalls at the gym.
I won't even get into the matter of punctuation except to say that plurals do NOT require an apostrophe unless they are possessives, in which case the apostrophe goes AFTER the "s" (not BEFORE):
My buddy has a large collection of adult DVDs.
The Republicans' stupidity remains America's worst nightmare.
In the immortal words of you-know-who: GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!
posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay @ Wednesday, February 08, 2006
1 Comments:
At 12:33 PM,
Sylvia O'Stayformore said…
I love when they are trying to teach english and spelling on these sex sites. Aren't most of these people typing one handed anyway?
I read one off of MySpace just yesterday.
Me talk pretty
Current mood: aggravated
BIFF'S BEEFS
Part 4
It never ceases to amaze me how the Internet has become so bastardized when it comes to using proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. Here are some specific pet peeves of mine:
1) Plural's don't have apostrophe's, only possessives & contractions do! (Errors added for emphasis...duh.)
2) Learn the difference between: YOUR and YOU'RE (In case this is new the first is possessive as in "your car is cool" and the second is a contraction of the words "you" and "are" as in "you're hot".) I can't tell you how many messages I've seen that read "Your hot!" I ask myself, "My hot what? What is this person talking about???"
3) Learn the difference between: THEIR and THEY'RE (In case this is new the first is possessive as in "their family is rich" and the second is a contraction of the words "they" and "are" as in "they're nice people".)
4) Learn the difference between: TO and TOO (I'll let you research this one and learn it for yourself.)
OK, now that those SIMPLE mistakes have been addressed I want to turn my attention to...gees, I'm not sure what to call them...posers? Online posers? I'll go with that.
1) If you are gonna use words like "Stud", "Jock", "Boi", or "Hot" as part of your screen name, don't you think you should actually fit that kind of description? For example, if you are over 25 and never go to the gym, then your screen name should not be HotStudJockBoi.
2) It's odd that sumo wrestlers have an "athletic build".
3) Ugly (unattractive) people like to put "no hookups" in their profile - you would think that would be a given!
4) People who don't post pics or complete the profile are always the first to ask you for additional pictures of yourself, especially nude ones.
5) Just cuz you are young does not make you hot and vice versa. There are HOT people in their 40s! Another point, you may have been hot 10 years or 30 pounds ago...but you can't keep using that picture NOW!
6) If your screen name is HornyHardOne and your bio line reads "The Name Implies Nothing" I think it might actually imply that you are kinda stupid.
7) The profiles that only have torso pics...So you've got a nice body...but where is your face?
8) Who in their right mind would IM someone that has "SkunkyBoy" as a screenname? You gotta help yourself here people!
9) It's really sad when all you have going for yourself is your hottub!
10) FAKERS - Typically a CamGuy or on-line model from one of the many sites out there. Being a CamGuy myself I actually have met and know most of the models and the photographers that took the famous pics. It's just sad when I confront someone and they keep the charade going. Give up already.
Ok, that's it for now, thanks!
The boy is named Biff and he has a site called "Buffenuff.com"
Hmmm makes you think, did he read what he just wrote? Or, did he copy and paste it from somebody else?
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