Hard Hat Jesus and the Turban Guy
Yesterday, after watching President Fetal Alcohol Syndrom terrorize "snowflake babies" in his pitiful pandering to the Christian Freak Vote (at the expense of everyone who is NOT retarded.) I decided to go get some new shoes. I admit that I tend to take the genteel poverty look a bit too far at times, but even I realize that when you shoes are starting to split, it's time for new shoes.
So I headed off to Frederick & Nelson. Really, I don't know what's up with Frederick's these days: They were closed for what seems like FOREVER, and when they reopened, I can't find any of my favorite departments. That's a real shame, because I desparately need a new vacuum cleaner.
Anyway, I bought my shoes (from a very attractive young man. I will say that for Fredericks - the new crop of employees is much more attractive than old those old people they had before)
When I walked out the door onto Pine Street, there was a very unusual old man out in front. Even for the crowed that is usually in front of Frederick's, he was unusual. He was carrying a wooden cross, and had a hardhat on that said JESUS across the front. As might be expected of such a person, he was looking for an easy mark to harass, and there was the original mark, Yours Truly.
"DO YOU KNOW JESUS?" He screamed at me (Why do these people always have to scream? What is it about religious zealots that makes them hard of hearing?)
"No. I'm an atheist" I replied (Not strictly true, but that usually shuts them up, so I don't think Jesus - or whoever - would mind. Actually, my theology leans towards the idea that we are some sort of cosmic Sea Monkey colony that a omnipotent being forgot about.)
"YOU NEED TO KNOW JESUS. YOU NEED TO BE WASHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!!" he replied.
"Yuck. That's gross" I said, making my best "ewww" face. "I don't like lamb" (Another lie. I LOVE lamb, but that doesn't mean I'd wash myself in lamb blood)
That got him. He stared at me for a moment, and then turned to the next victim, who just happened to be a rather imposing guy with a turban. "DO YOU KNOW JESUS?" He screamed at him.
"No of course I don't know Jesus. Do I look like I know Jesus?" He said, pointing to his turban. "Go away, you ridiculous old man, and take your ridiculous cross with you"
The creepy old man took a good look at the turban guy, decided that he didn't want to become a martyr just yet, and beat a hasty retreat to whereever people like him go when they are not pestering people about Jesus.
All in all, it was a good day for the heathens. But it was a rather excellent day for headgear.
So I headed off to Frederick & Nelson. Really, I don't know what's up with Frederick's these days: They were closed for what seems like FOREVER, and when they reopened, I can't find any of my favorite departments. That's a real shame, because I desparately need a new vacuum cleaner.
Anyway, I bought my shoes (from a very attractive young man. I will say that for Fredericks - the new crop of employees is much more attractive than old those old people they had before)
When I walked out the door onto Pine Street, there was a very unusual old man out in front. Even for the crowed that is usually in front of Frederick's, he was unusual. He was carrying a wooden cross, and had a hardhat on that said JESUS across the front. As might be expected of such a person, he was looking for an easy mark to harass, and there was the original mark, Yours Truly.
"DO YOU KNOW JESUS?" He screamed at me (Why do these people always have to scream? What is it about religious zealots that makes them hard of hearing?)
"No. I'm an atheist" I replied (Not strictly true, but that usually shuts them up, so I don't think Jesus - or whoever - would mind. Actually, my theology leans towards the idea that we are some sort of cosmic Sea Monkey colony that a omnipotent being forgot about.)
"YOU NEED TO KNOW JESUS. YOU NEED TO BE WASHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!!" he replied.
"Yuck. That's gross" I said, making my best "ewww" face. "I don't like lamb" (Another lie. I LOVE lamb, but that doesn't mean I'd wash myself in lamb blood)
That got him. He stared at me for a moment, and then turned to the next victim, who just happened to be a rather imposing guy with a turban. "DO YOU KNOW JESUS?" He screamed at him.
"No of course I don't know Jesus. Do I look like I know Jesus?" He said, pointing to his turban. "Go away, you ridiculous old man, and take your ridiculous cross with you"
The creepy old man took a good look at the turban guy, decided that he didn't want to become a martyr just yet, and beat a hasty retreat to whereever people like him go when they are not pestering people about Jesus.
All in all, it was a good day for the heathens. But it was a rather excellent day for headgear.
posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay @ Thursday, July 20, 2006
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