Sometimes I amaze myself.

A friend sent this to me. I had written it this summer in the posting area of a website called AmericaBlog.com, which is a fabulous blog, btw.

It's Ann Coulter's "bio". I had totally forgotten about it, and then I read it and thought "wow, who wrote that?". It turns out I did.

(note: the "bulldog" I refer to is Jeff Gannon, the gay hooker who posed as a reporter and had unprecedented access to the Bush White House. )


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The explanation of me is simple. I am the love child of Eva Braun and Joe McCarthy (strictly test tube, mind you) That's where I got my blonde, blonde hair and strong, "mannish" chin (as well as my penchant for Wild Turkey)

I was carried to term by Nancy Reagan, who was under contract to General Electic at the time.

I was raised in the test kitchens at Betty Crocker where a steady diet of Instant Mashed Potatoes and Chex Party Mix caused a chemical imbalance in my already fragile brain, causing a total mental collapse. While recovering, I was given a box set of the collected works of Ayn Rand by Phyllis Schlaffley. My destiny seemed clear. I too would write bad romance novels that people would mistake for political manifestos!

One day, as I sat laughing at the homeless in DuPont Circle, I saw the man who would change my life. His bald, bald head and military drag drew me to him like a moth to a flame.

"What's Your name, gorgeous?" I asked him.

"Sorry, I'm not into drag queens" he replied.

"That won't be a problem" I said, as I pulled out the ether spray I always keep handy.

And that's the story of how Bulldog and I met. Our love, while perhaps a bit unconventional, is nothing abnormal, as others have suggested. He's 100% man, and our sex life is amazing. Just as long as I remember to wear that Reagan mask.