on which we visit the Hospital

So yesterday afternoon I get a call from the colonel. It seems his doctor is sending him to get a CAT scan because he thinks he has an acute appendicitis! Since the glamorous hospital was all backed up, we have to go to the Catholic Hospital (which is actually now part of the Glamorous Hospital family)

After work, I go up to see him. He is encouched in a "semi-private" room (three walls, one curtain) in the emergency room. On one side of his room is a poor little kid with asthma, on the other is - of course - an annoying Republican couple (I can't get away from them, no matter how hard I try)

So they start the colonel on Morphine (in case he has to go under the knife) and I'm left there with an elderly copy of "O", and the conversation on either side of me.

The little kid doesn't say much, he just wheezes occasionally, but the Republicans (of course) can't stop yammering. I never did figure out what they were there for, or which one was the patient. They talked mostly about the TV. But one thing that the guy (a doofusy white guy) said to the girl (a bleached blonde moron) really stuck out as a great example of conservative humor. I repeat it now, pretty much verbatim, to give you an idea of the level of intellect in the old ER.

"I know this guy, and when people come up and panhandle to him, he gives them .75 cents taped to a piece of paper that says that since he only gets to keep .75 of ever dollar he makes, that's all he can give them"

My thought (Christ, what an Asshole) was not echoed by the couple who thought this was the funniest thing since Hurricane Katrina. They laughed and laughed, while I contemplated either hooking myself into the morphine drip or taking one of the dirty hypodermics out of the sharps receptacle and stabbing them. But I settled for the calmer course, and read again about how you can lose weight without dieting (smaller portions, more exercise) for several more hours until we were finally released (where, I was happy to note, a loud Mexican family were coming in right behind us, which was sure to appall the Republicans)

As it turns out, the colonel was not to go under the knife. It seems he has some sort of affliction that I can't even begin to remember the name of that sounds scary and dreadful, but can be easily cleared up with some medications. It looks like an appendicitis, and acts like an appendicitis, but it ain't no appendicitis. The tease.