My Bizzare Fascination

Every couple of years I come across a copy of the movie version of "Valley of the Dolls" and I spend way too much time watching it. This occassional binge of Dolls on my part is due in no small part to a certain Miss somebody who shall remain nameless (but her initials are Sylvia O. Stayformore) All in all, I suppose it's not a bad compulsion. Certainly better than what the ladies in the movie endure.

Anyway, this is such a uniquely terrible movie that it is like the proverbial train wreck: You have to watch it, again and again. The acting is fairly dreadful, the camera work is of that creepy 60's style with lots of cheesy "effects", but I think the things that really both repel and attract me are the clothes and the sets.

The interior scenes in this movie are almost exclusively late 60's "glamour" homes and offices: Lots of deep pile carpets and dusty looking drapes, with kitsch EVERYWHERE. And not good kitsch either - it's all flowered sofas and ugly, ugly lamps and accessories. I think I would probably turn to "dolls" if I had to live in ugly homes like these.

(It should be noted that the nightclub that Tony Polar first performs in, as well as Anne and Neely's Hollywood homes - which we only get glimpses of - are refreshingly fabulous. But Tony and Jennifer's Hollywood house, which we see way too much, is dreadful)

The women's clothes are something else again. Barbara Parkins seems to be little more than a talking manequin who wears one improbable late 60's "high-fashion" outfit after another, particularly after she becomes the Gillian Girl. And Neely wears a HORRIBLE green-and-white empire waist gown in the scene where she wins her Grammy. They must have sedated her to get her into that thing. Sharon Tate's clothing is the only bright spot: They're mod, and she knows how to wear them. And it's always nice to see everyone in skirts (what can I say? I'm a leg man. I think a touch of women's gams adds a little elegance to any occassion)

The montages are also horrifyingly compelling: The "Neely" montage is full of that cringy late-60's "show-biz nostalgia" schtick (Neely in a tuxedo dressed like a hobo, etc, etc, etc.). Anne's "Gillian Girl" montage gives you an overload of bad late 60's "High-Fashion" outfits and scary, scary make-up and hairdos, set to the most sleep-inducing music since Muzak. Both montages use that speeded-up film effect that I think it supposed to be evocative of silent film or something.

But all of this is quite beside the point: The bad acting, cheesy music, and bad bad bad styling is what makes it fun. Much better than, say, "Wild Orchids" (the only movie I've ever actually walked out on). So go out and get yourself a copy of "Valley of the Dolls" this weekend, open up a bottle of vodka, and have yourself a lovely, pathos-ridden weekend.