The Martha Stewart Housekeeping Book!

As a Christian Homemaker, I'm always looking for new ways to obsess over my home. And "Martha Stewart's Homekeeping Handbook: The Essential Guide to Caring for Everything in Your Home" shall certainly keep me occupied for quite some time.

This is a hefty book - 752 pages - and actually not as much of a snoozefest as one might think. Martha is gradually showing more personality these days, and this book reflects that: In the forward, she tells us about some of the housekeeping books she's read, including one that is some sort of seminal work of the subject. If the word "seminal" can be used in conjunction with housekeeping (look it up).

Room by Room, Miss Stewart tells us how to organize our life, and care for our things: How to polish silver. How to make a bed. It's actually quite nice to have a step-by-step guide to some of these things which, when you learn them by trial and error, can be quite frustrating. For instance: Just how DOES one fold a fitted sheet? Even my Mother - no slouch when it comes to housekeeping - just tends to kind of ball them up. The answer is right there at page 500 or so.

Lots of people criticize Martha, and I find her obsessive-compulive ways to be a bit tedious at times myself, but it is nice to see someone holding high the standard for gracious living (We can't be expected to do it all ourselves, can we, dear readers?) Too many people use a disdain for Martha as an excuse for their slovenly homes, insisting that they are "casual", when they are just slobs (Note: There's nothing wrong with being a slob, as long as you embrace it). We all march to the beat of different drummers, of course, but I maintain that there is something comforting about a well set table, or an orderly living room. Personally, when I've got somthing I've really got to think out, I manically attack the house, dusting the electrical sockets and detailing the floor joists. By losing myself in the boredom and putting myself on auto-pilot, I find I can usually reach a resolution - or at least an acceptance - of my problem.

So embrace your inner Martha, darlings - if Martha does indeed reside within you - and proclaim your love of gracious living. Our nation needs all the help it can get, and this might just be the thing that brings us into the light: Out of the darkness of lumpy furniture (some with built-in cupholders!!!) and decor inspired by "Friends", and back to a day of proportional, non-evocative furniture and luncheon china.

Or, you can use this book to squash cockroaches. It makes a dandy bug killer (I tried it at the neighbor's house. Needless to say we are vermin-free)