The American Ninny Factor

Main Entry: nin·ny
Pronunciation: 'ni-nE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural ninnies
Etymology: perhaps by shortening & alteration from an innocent
: FOOL, SIMPLETON


I usually get a flu shot every year. I started doing this because I worked in hotels you see all sorts of germs in hotels, and I would invariably get something from them. It was the practical thing to do. I was going to get one this year, but they said there was a shortage and all "able-bodied Americans" (of which I consider myself one) should go without.

Fine, I said. No problem. I'll do without, as most "Able-Bodied Americans". It's the patriotic thing to do.

Boy, was I wrong.

The last couple of weeks have seen mobs of hysterical ninnies, who probably would not have even thought about getting a flu shot running around freaking out because they can't get a flu shot.

It's the ninny factor. This country is getting overtaken by ninnines.

It's ninnies who support the home alarm industry. It's ninnies who move into gated communites. Ninnies are also behind SUV's, AOL, Campbell Soup Supper Bakes, The Franklin Mint, Fox News, the Trinity Broadcasting Network, and everything in the Harriett Carter Catalog.

The Republican Party is supported by ninnies, as are the suburban Mega-Churches. Anything that depends on simple-mindedness and cheap sentimentality is the province of the ninnies, and they are growing in numbers. Pretty soon they may tip the balance of power, and we will become a nation of ninnies. So much for "land of the free, home of the brave".